dude i'm inner monologue high
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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