All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
