I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
