i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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