in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
