I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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