remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
