it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
