how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
