Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
