I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
