I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
