i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
