What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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