im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
3 2 1 whiskey
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
