Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
