Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
