theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
