I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
