i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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