Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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