i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
