Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
