i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
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