Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
