We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
