He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
