Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
