Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
