I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
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