you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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