So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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