I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
