My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
