I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
