ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You need Xanax blowdarts
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
