Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
