is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
