She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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