I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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