He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
