the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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