No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
