I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
no, he came in my armpit
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
