Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
