glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
