i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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