and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
