I CAN MOONWALK!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
