ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
