Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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