He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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