On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
