too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
