Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
