i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
