So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
