Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
