I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
